As a life coach, it is important to know when it is the best time for your clients to move on and continue working on their own. It is the role of  a life  coach to  have the communication skills to end the relationship. A good coach is responsible enough to know that the life of a coaching relationship is not a lifetime. Knowing that is how the best life coaches build their business. Not by keeping clients forever, but by letting them go when the time is right and generating more referrals based on their outstanding service.

In the beginning, clients are unsure. They may be testing the relationship and feeling the waters to determine if life coaching is really for them. Or if you really are the right coach for them. Soon, if it’s right, they will start to become a little more trusting and may feel it may benefit them to continue. As things start to come together for your client and some of the small goals seem to be falling into place, the client will begin to expect the life coaching to work and for things to continue to progress in the right direction. When the client has mastered all the skills you have to offer and is doing well towards their goals, you will see that it is time for them to continue on their own.

And it goes both ways. If you have a coach and feel it is time to move on – either to another coach or onto your life by yourself – test your communication skills and have the courage and courtesy to yourself and your coach to give at least a month’s notice. Some coach’s will talk to you about this in the beginning or along the way but they may not and it’s good for you to know. Since you have built up such an intimate connection, be fair to the coaching relationship and build in a few sessions for closure.

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There are many reasons that having a life coach is a beneficial thing. It brings an objective voice to your life that has (hopefully – see NOAGNDA ) no other agenda to follow other than to help you find and achieve what you want in your life.

Friends and family can be great support but they don’t always agree with what you actually want and may feel that they know what would be best for you and make you happy. A coach (again, hopefully) will never do this.

1. A life coach can help you pull your life out of a rut that you may be stuck in. You may find yourself bored and not enjoying your life or your work anymore. A life coach can help you figure out why and how to fix it.
2. Another way a life coach can help you is by helping to organize your goals so that you can actually get what you want and not just dream about it. Many people seem to have lost their vision in life and feel like they have no purpose.
3. Life coaching can help pull your purpose back out of you and get you back on track.
4. Many people turn to a life coach during big transitions in their life such as retirement, job change or divorce. Coaches often have or create in the moment tools to help you keep your coaching-acquired skills as you leave your coaching experience and continue on with your life.
5. People looking for more passion or value in their life may turn to a coach to help explore why these things are missing in your life.
6. Another reason someone may turn to a life coach is if they have been engaging in destructive behaviors , a coach may be able to help them figure out why and make some changes.

Whatever your reasons might be. Try it. See how it can work for you.

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I was inspired to write about the way one of the members completed this journaling question or assignment. The assignment begins like this:

Your mother probably told you at one time or another, “You should feel grateful for what you have. The children in ________________________ are starving.” This is likely what helped give gratitude such a bad name. It’s surprising what a bad reaction I get (or give) when I or someone close to me is feeling down and “list the things you’re grateful for” is the suggestion. Once we feel sad or afraid, are we stuck? We only feel stuck. Expressing gratitude is an amazing tool to move through these negative feelings. Negative feelings can affect our health and life adversely.

Then there are many suggestions of exercises to do. Well, one of the members decided to begin to teach her 3 children about gratitude by asking them what they are grateful for.

Her 17 year old listed the things you’d expect her to list including “getting my phone back”.

The 10 year old boys list said:

1. My good fortune to have freedom
2. My family
3. The freedom of speech
4. To do good in school
5. That I have good food on the table at mealtime

And the youngest, almost 3-year old boy drew a picture of his babysitter/pre-school lady!

The member said about her little one, “I have no idea what part of grateful he understood, but amazing was his response.”

I feel so blessed to have association with people who are teaching their children about gratitude. My cup runneth over.

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When I was commenting to you how stagnated I feel because I “should” be more focused on creating my website, you made me aware of “should”.  Thanks.  I will be working on the assignment you proposed and look forward to next week’s time together.  My assignment was to live with the inquiry of “What if I jumped right to going after being a life coach with no steps in between?” I’ll let that percolate for the week and see where it goes in me.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Global Consciousness & Community

On September 11, 2001 the world changed. Now we truly know that those that live 10,000 miles away are our neighbors.  Everyone on this planet feels the effects of  what a few fanatics did to the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The effects will continue to be felt for the rest of our lives. Many things have changed and are changing as this is being written. No one is smart enough or enough of a prophet to be able to predict what all the results will be. Some things, however, are powerfully clear. What we say and do and think effects everyone else. If I decide not to fly because I am scared, I send a message to those that know me that they should be scared. When they mention the incident to others in their lives, they too are effected. People may lose their jobs because of my choices. This, in turn, effects our economy. Our economy effects the world economy. At no time in history is it more clear that we are a world community – whether everyone likes it or not.

The 20th century paradigm was, “I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.” Rugged individualism was highly valued. Even though the women’s movement occurred in groups, the desired outcome was more individual power for women. Not a bad thing in itself but individual none the less. The 21st century paradigm is about community, cooperation and co-activity. Co-activity is defined as “active collaboration1” and “an alliance between two equals2.” The term is used to refer to the relationship between coach and client but readily applies to a wider world view. It is a concept and a term that is useful to describe the  model and culture for the 21st century.

Emergencies and situations that require special help and support frequently make us realize how important our communities are to us. We may move to a new place and have no family or friends. We may come to a new passage in our lives – marriage, divorce, grown children. Intentional communities are those created wherever we are on our journey through life.

Building and broadening your intentional communities will nurture your life. Then when life happens, the community is in place. Part of being a successful person is the awareness that we aren’t alone and that everything we do impacts each other politically and environmentally.

• Reach out to longtime friends for connection. Make new ones. Bridge the gaps that exist between people and nations so that hatred and lack of understanding can disappear.

• Use professional associations and connections as a launch pad for personal connections. There is bound  to be at least one person there grappling with similar issues – even if you both want to figure out how to leave the profession.

• Get a coach – now. Coaches offer continuity and perspectives on your growth.  If money is an issue—once or twice a month is better than not at all. If your coach hasn’t earned her value for you within a six months period,  get another.

Old Energy Thinking: You have to do it alone. It builds character.
New Energy: Everything I do, even if I do it alone, effects everyone.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

I’ve noticed that lots of people write about anger management on the internet. Seems like most of the suggestions have to do with thinking and controlling yourself. If someone has a problem with anger, a natural emotion, that means that their reactions are too large, too angry, maybe scary to those around them and probably lead the person with that problem to say things they are very sorry for after. It can also lead to violence.

Over 25 years ago I went to a series of monthly workshops and a weekly support group led by John Gray and Barbara deAngelis who were married to each other at the time. In those groups they talked about anger and how old, unexpressed anger was at the root of anger problems. They taught us a technique that I still teach my clients. It’s called a Love Letter because they explained that love is underneath all the negative feelings.

I had a different kind of anger problem. I thought I didn’t have any – anger – that is. Even though I was criticized and yelled at throughout my entire childhood (and early adulthood) by my mother. Of course, I did. I just didn’t know it. I had lost connection to it. Of course, I did yell at my kids and my ex-husband but I didn’t know I was angry.

If you have an anger problem, you might try using this letter writing tool. It’s kind of like having free therapy. You go through your feelings in a safe environment by putting them on paper in a prescribed way. No one gets hurt and you rid yourself of a layer of stuck anger and all the feelings underneath.

We used to say in our groups with John and Barbara, “If you want to feel better, write a Love Letter.”

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More and more corporations are turning to executive coaching as a part of their ongoing training. The trend is huge and growing quickly. Corporations are finding that offering an executive coaching program to their employees will:

• increase individual productivity
• create a better atmosphere
• improve teamwork
• less conflict
• more taking responsibility

If everyone is more productive and getting their jobs done than there is less conflict in the workplace and fewer people trying to pass the buck and get someone else to help them with their work. So you might say that coaching in the workplace creates not only more productivity but a greater sense of personal responsibility in employees.

Companies are advised that when it comes to executive coaching, it is best to do your homework before hiring a company. Executive coaching is an expensive undertaking for a company and it pays to shop around and interview many coaches and ask lots of questions. Ask to see something tangible that you can review that shows what type of program they offer and what will be included in the coaching package. Explore the possibilities between a coaching package and individual coaching one-on-one. Make sure that you find a company that can support your needs whether you are a large company or just a small company looking to grow.

Having had no corporate experience myself, I decided to go “undercover” and attend a couple of meetings of an organization where executive coaches gather. Guess what I discovered? Executive coaches talk about many of the same things I talk about with my clients – improved relationships at home and work, improved communication skills, strategies to accomplish goals. They also provide support where corporate individuals are selling themselves short.

If you are fortunate enough to work at a company that provides executive coaching, take advantage of it and start what might be the adventure of your life?

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!