Are you afraid of your feelings?

You could have looked at this subtitle and thought one of two things:  “What’s the big deal? We all know how to deal with our feelings” or “Yes. I think my feelings are too big or to0 many or too scary”. For those with the second comment: sometimes when we find a challenge, like in addressing our emotional pain, their are benefits. Only, if we look.

I don’t know what it’s like in other states on other freeways but you’ve probably heard we have lots of traffic here in L.A.

Well, I’m scared of driving on the freeway and so  I usually don’t unless someone else is driving. A couple of weeks ago my husband was driving in pretty heavy weekend traffic going south on the 405. Sometimes when we drive we chat about this and that (in between grousing about the traffic and drivers). This day we were chatting about how lucky we are to have been trained how to deal with our feelings and emotional pain when along comes a license plate saying WHY HURT.

WHY HURT  can mean more than one thing. It can mean:

• First- “You don’t have to hurt” and I agree with that. We can make a choice. Unfortunately, many think they can’t, but still, WHY HURT?
• Second (this is the reason it struck me so)- A reason to feel  hurt (if you are really in touch with your feelings and know how to let them flow as they were meant to) could mean you are on your way to healing your emotional pain. HURT is milder than ANGER, on it’s way to having one know their FEARs and a bit closer to LOVE and FORGIVENESS.

So I ask you: “Why hurt?” you are so close to being in a place of love and forgiveness. Why not learn and move on and become that much closer with yourself?   In the pursuit of not feeling our feelings, at the very least we become disconnected from ourselves and have problems relating to others deeply and well. Why hurt?

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Now she thinks she might be a narcissist because she is aware of her needs and not wanting to just cater to his needs. Taking care of herself is her job. Taking care of himself is his job. Does that mean either is selfish or a narcissist? He could be. I don’t know him. But I do know her. The reason she thinks this is possible is because taking care of herself is such a new concept for her.

As a child she was taught to take care of others and not herself. Now at 46, she is beginning to get a glimmer of what she needs and even act on it. Why now? Because she has cleared away much of the hurt, pain and anger from her childhood and the voices in her head have started to have loving messages instead of only the critical ones she learned as a child.

It’s a great pleasure as a life coach to watch this happen; to know I have helped birth this newness and self love. I love my job!

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

I know that we all can individually have an impact on this world, whether it is through our negative or positive thinking. So if we focus on our positive thinking and this economy, could we change this negative light that surrounds the world right now? I remember hearing Carolyn Myss talk about the fact that we all like to bond with each other by talking about our wounds. Well, she’s right. Almost everyone I talk to these days wants to say those two words in the title to me with a certain negative emotional oomph. Because I know how Law of Attraction works and because I am experiencing a tremendous amount of prosperity in my life, I’m not buying into this attempt to pull the planet in a negative direction. We have enough of that.

Abraham Hicks says we get more of what we focus on which is another way of talking about Law of Attraction.

Question: So what if you are in a job you’re not crazy about and you also think this isn’t the right time (see title) to try to change jobs? How can you still vibrate at a rate that will attract your desired outcomes and will feel good in your body?

Answer : Use your job experience as a way to grow yourself. Learn how to change your attitude about it and watch yourself go through that process. Find the good/lesson in this change and focus on your positive thinking.

Example from my life: In 2001 my husband and I lost all our money. We were 58 and 66 respectively. In 2003 my then 70-year-old husband got himself hired by Los Angeles Unified School District as a high school Physics teacher. Imagine starting a new career with 100+ inner city teenagers in your classes daily and of completely different background than he ever interacted with much and that’s what his daily work life is like. Imagine also being required to fulfill a 3-year Master’s equivalent program at the same time. Here’s how he’s handled it:

• He uses it to grow his organization abilities which he’s ignored throughout his life.
• He uses it to watch himself become an amazing teacher.
• He uses it to see if how he could offer these kids a faster track into a successful life than their background, education and financial situation would normally allow.
• He uses as a way to keep him taking care of his body so he can do it. You should see him doing pull ups, push ups and using Wii Fit.

I could go on and on about him but I think you can see he’s taken full responsibility for his life and his attitude and treats this situation as a way to grow. He’s gained so much by feeling in charge of his life.  Rather than moaning about the state of our finances and how unlucky we were, he focused on his positive thinking and it has made all the difference.

How can you make use of your job or career to grow as a human and make a positive thinking contribution to the planet?

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

]]> http://allaboutlifecoaching.com/this-economy/feed 3 http://allaboutlifecoaching.com/self-awareness http://allaboutlifecoaching.com/self-awareness#comments Fri, 30 Mar 2012 15:00:13 +0000 allaboutlifecoaching http://allaboutlifecoaching.com/?p=17 Self Awareness

Just want to say a word about my journey. I see through my own self awareness that I have come such a long way. I noticed this when observing my reactions with clients calling or not calling. When it comes to wondering if someone will actually call to become my client when they say they are going to.

I used to fret and worry and take their calling or not very personally. I was sure it was a rejection of me. My mind got very loud and plugged into old self esteem issues.

I see how much better my reaction is now.  Through my own growth and self awareness I know my own strengths and gifts.  I do know what I give my clients and what benefits they gain. My mind tries to go back to my old ways, like a tongue with a space where a tooth used to be, but it’s little and light compared to the past.

But whether it is a potential client not calling back or my own adult child not liking something I am or am not doing, I am grateful for my progress. I am self aware and I see a peaceful and growing woman.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

I have a client who is successfully navigating a healthy relationship with a man for the first time in her 46 years! Her work on herself is wondrous. She has healed a scarily abusive childhood, healed very damaged self-esteem and most recently lost over 80 pounds. In chatting with her today, she commented that she is a “bit narcissistic”. When we discussed what she meant by that, I realized she was really talking about self care.

I am not a therapist and I’m not going to look for a definition of narcissism that a therapist might use. I’m going to define narcissism to be what I understand from my therapist friends. As far as I understand narcissism is pretty much not being able to see beyond your own belly button. It’s all about you. You are never wrong. All roads lead to you.

This is very different than being a person who observes their behavior and wants to see where and whether she is acting from self love.

If she is truly taking care of herself – most particularly when she has never really had a good relationship with a partner in her whole life and wants some very positive change, then deep, thoughtful, very observant self care is vital. That is not narcissism. That is not whatever else others have accused you of when you wanted to take care of yourself.

You were with the wrong people. People who truly love you, want and celebrate for you as you care for yourself. That means they support you having boundaries. That means they want you to express yourself authentically. They love you. Find and hang out with only those people.

Even if every cell in your body screeches NO at the thought that all that you have undergone, you created, just sample this perspective. Do you know why every cell in your body is screeching like that? It’s because somehow you picked up the idea that “taking responsibility” means being blamed which means being bad. Blame does not enter into it. Blame is only important if your ego-mind cannot tolerate the idea that you ever did anything that looks like it is wrong or that you might have made a mistake in your life. Then it needs to blame someone else.

Besides, you can always re-decide to take back your victim stance after you’ve completed this book.

I do not long support any idea that I was a victim (although occasionally I might sound like it). As you have read before, I experienced childhood emotional abuse from my mother and sexual abuse from my father, adult emotional abuse, two divorces, and financial losses. In other words, I’ve had a long (66 years so far) fabulous life with joys, disappointments, pain, love (more love than I could have ever imagined) – and I absolutely  know that I agreed to all of it. I know also, that you do not have to believe what I believe to empower and transform yourself and your life. I do know you must be willing to give up being and seeing yourself as a victim. I know also you must remain compassionate to yourself as you look at all the hard things you’ve gone through.

**Excerpt from You University: Coaching Program to Learn to Live Your Real Self © by Maia Berens

I’m not planning to go there again but I did gain a few pounds. But you know what? It’s actually ok. I think I’ve needed to learn to love my belly. The only way I was ever able to lose the weight was to love myself more and more but I think I still had a judgment based on fear and anger at my mother that I didn’t want to have a stomach like hers. I felt so powerless as a severely yelled at and criticized child, I projected my fear and hatred onto my mother’s body parts and thereby on mine. Weird, huh?

But I thought I forgave my mother and now love her without judging after these  27 years. I’ve done so much work on this. Well, I have but there’s a little judgment stuck in my energy like a piece of cookie stuck between my teeth. Probably old stuck energy eventually rots us just like stuff stuck in our teeth can do the same thing.

So now that my belly is a little more poochie than before and in about 6 pounds it’ll be normal size, I’m going to project feelings of love to it and for it as it goes away. I have a little more self-love to uncover and must allow myself to receive.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!