Lessons Learned Through John Gray

In working with clients I’m quite often self-referring. What that means is I tell them an experience I had and how I made  use of it on my growth journey. I don’t do this just to hear myself talk (although I admit I do enjoy do talking), I do it because I believe that if I could overcome the things that hurt me as a child and have affected my life on into adulthood, than so can they.

But there’s been one area that I have always felt couldn’t be applied from my life to most anyone else and that is: that my husband and I knew each other for a couple of years in a really unique setting before we started our relationship. Imagine being in a small community where learning how to tell the emotional truth was a strong value. And learning how to do it completely and quickly were the sub-values.This created  such  a strong amount  of relationship  support  before our intimate  relationship ever  started

It was like this for me in L.A. in the early ’80′s:

In 1982 a close friend sent me to a workshop called Making Love Work given by John Gray and Barbara deAngelis. I attended a zillion workshops, worked for John and Barbara and was totally committed to learning from them. And so was my then friend (now my husband) and his then wife (now our friend.) When their relationship ended two years later, ours began almost immediately. Our  relationship   blossomed  slowly.  It started out as  a friendship  and turned intimate  later. This helped us with our relationship  support  towards  each other.

I’ve always thought that no one could duplicate that experience because they didn’t have all that community-commited-to-emotional-truth stuff in their shared backgrounds. But today I had an a-ha moment. What if  women who are looking to figure out how to have an emotionally healthy, long-term connection with relationship  support begin to look for someone they could be friends with ( not just physically attracted to and allow “benefits” to enter the relationship when they feel really ready and then pursue the relationship and build it as a friendship?

With that in mind, they would be able to find out truly if this person is really someone they want in their life forever as their most intimate partner. They would be able to look at the relationship more clearly if their partner was “interviewing” for life-long friend status rather than allowing themselves to be totally swept away by the chemistry and the “being in love” attitude that we’ve all learned from the movies and endless situation comedies. Is this where you want to learn your relationship skills or  how  to get  relationship  support? I think not.

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