A life coach works with you to examine and clarify your needs, values and beliefs and develop the goals that help you grow. One of the most important things that a life coach can help you do is to clarify your career goals to determine if you are on the right track or you need to make some changes. Once you have accomplished this, the life coach can help you set up a specific plan that will take you right to the finish line.
A life coach can make this process much easier and much faster. A coach will help you take an objective look at where you are compared to where you want to be in your career and help you realize talents and skills that you may not even know that you have or thought could be a help to you in your career. With a coach working with you on your career plan, you will always have someone to support you and motivate you to keep going when you feel like giving up.
You may do this with a career coach or a life coach who understands the needs of someone creating a career plan. If self esteem and lack of belief in yourself is a factor, your coach can help you there too.
Since what a coach excels at doing is very individual, you can discover how to get your needs met in your communications with potential coaches before you might hire them.
Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!
I have a client who’s been coaching with me on and off for 6 years. Let’s call him, Eddie. He has major problems with money and self growth. When we started out I agreed to take him as a barter client who would provide marketing advise for my business. As the title implies, there are two parts to this little story – mine and his. I’ll start with me.
How I Ran Away
Back then, I was still running from a certain kind of communication because I tended to take too much responsibility for everyone – family members, clients, friends. I’ve since mended my ways and have taught myself to become aware when I’m doing that-thing-that-I-do. As a result both my boundaries and communication are much clearer.
How that scenario looked was – when I realized that Eddie’s marketing experience really couldn’t help my kind of business, I didn’t know how to say that to him so I said – nothing – and continued coaching him for nothing . We had some feeble conversations about the money but it never got cleared up. And I like the guy so much and he was making progress…. And I was doing my responsible-for-others thing .
We probably had that quasi-barter arrangement for a couple of years and then he stopped coaching. Sometime between his coaching ending and the current round of coaching, he surprised me and sent me a nice check to pay for some of the coaching we had done. It was a lovely surprise and a testimony to his good character. (I also took it as a sign from the Universe that I had made progress also.)
How He Ran Away
Eddie contacted me 10 months ago and said he wanted to do coaching again, wanted to have me make him accountable more strongly than before and sent me 6 post-dated checks so he wouldn’t weasel out of the deal.
He’s made great self growth progress with personal goal setting: buying and using Quicken, setting up a budget, beginning to see the need to forgive his father and ex-wife, sticking to his work commitments, etc. (I’ve been a little looser with him than other clients – allowing him lots of extra short calls. Maybe this is still me being overly-responsible?)
Anyway, two days ago I got an email from him telling me because his money problems are rearing their ugly head, he wanted to stop coaching. I understand him cutting back on his expenses – something we talked about often – although he does say his positive progress has been a result of our coaching so maybe this isn’t too wise but IN AN EMAIL! How chicken we all can be about disappointing others and what a mirror for my own chicken ways of dealing with difficult communication.
I invited him (via email) to talk about this over the phone but so far no Eddie. He reminded me (via email) that he’s not good at such things. I know, Eddie, that’s one of the things we’ve been working on – clearer, stronger, more powerful communication.
Years ago I would have taken this very personally. I don’t anymore. It happens this way sometimes and I hope Eddie finds what he needs to move him to the next level in his life. And I hope I remember Eddie when I am tempted to – dare I say it? – enable someone else.
Round 3 – a P.S.
Since I wrote this, I’ve had a quick third round with Eddie. Money issues. Job issues. The same old Eddie thing. After our first session this time around I thought to ask him if he believed what I told him (about his self growth issues being ties to not having forgiven his father for controlling him with money). He stopped a moment and said, “I take it with a grain of salt.” Me aghast! “Why?” Eddie, “You’re a friend and so I don’t totally believe you.” Go figure that one out. Anyway I fired him, lovingly, on the spot.
I’m so glad I have a male in my life to remind me of the male way of doing things – or at least another way of doing things. About a week ago I had an email interaction with a man who said quite clearly that he wanted to hire me to be his coach. A couple of fruitful emails went back and forth over the day. And then nothing. As you saw in the previous entry, I’m better about accepting the situation but because his comments were so clearly wanting me as his life coach, I didn’t know what to do. What if he didn’t read his email? What if something was wrong in his family?
Fortunately before I formulated a full thought about taking a further action like calling him (we’ve never spoken on the phone – only in person once and email) I asked my husband what to do. He said, “He knows you’re there.”
“Well, Maia, of course he does”, I told myself. And it felt so relieving to leave it alone. And the next day I heard from him and he wrote he had to think about it all.
I know not all women act intuitively and quickly but I tend to. Nice to be reminded everyone isn’t like me.
When you read around this blog, you might get the impression that I have it all under control. Many experts talk and act as if they have resolved every issue in their lives – particularly the ones they teach about. Let me assure you that although I feel as if I have something to teach and offer you, I don’t feel I have it all down. I still have me to deal with. I need my own self help solutions. My perspective on that is that I need reminders of what it’s like so I keep fresh in my teaching. Having watched a person become famous and how challenging that is for the ego, I think it helps in that aspect too.
So, I do teach and talk about the Law of Attraction and what it takes to create what you want. I talk about the neuronet and the emotions and how to create your own self help solutions. This page has a good array of those topics. Here I’d like to talk about two I haven’t mentioned yet. I need these to change my emotional viewpoint when I woke up today.
Talking yourself down – Abraham Hicks talks about this. Example: this morning I woke up seeing the glass half empty. A few days ago over 650 people came to look at my site. I was so excited and the day after, when that number went down to the 100+ area, I told myself that the 650 was a great place to keep focused on and visualize and expect. Well, today I could only see low, low, low. So here’s the first thing I did. I started talking myself down saying things like this to myself: “OK. So you feel this way now and you’ve felt this way before about things and you know pretty soon this will change. Your thoughts and feelings come and go. Remember when you just knew that the big number was just a point of power not a point to beat yourself up about.” As I did this I started to feel a little better. Instead of resenting my husband for the lousy way he completed the kitchen clean-up, I let in a few thoughts about how great he was to keep helping. Then, instead of taking what felt like the longer route of continuing to talk to myself, I hit on the idea of #2.
Uplifting distraction – I put on my IPOD and listened to my favorite music. I usually listen to music while doing housework instead of just do cleaning. I lose myself in my music and don’t even realize what I’m doing. And best of all, all thoughts immediately stop. By the time I’m finished, I feel good about my accomplishment and the music has done its magic. I like John Denver, Shanti Shanti, the Beatles and other folks who do music that inspires me – often with spiritual themes.
So those are two more of my tricks to self-coach me which you certainly can borrow. Most important is my attitude that no bad mood is worth the so-called luxury of feeling lousy. Find out what self help solutions work best for you.
So as you have read some of my other articles, I do have some relationship advice. Here is the one most implemented in my life. People get old because they become inflexible – in their bodies, in their behaviors, in their minds. The Martian and I don’t want to become inflexible. We invite change.
So change came in through our door because we invited the Martian’s daughter, who wanted to make major change happen in her life – job, move near family, etc. – to live with us while she got her changes in place. We all knew it would involve major change in our lives but knowing and experiencing are two different things.
With someone else in our space, more than ever the Martian and I worked to carve out sacred time together so our relationship stays “working happily ever after”. Three people in the same house is very different than two. So we took early morning walks and maybe went away for a couple of days. Whatever we did, I knew we would continue being aware – probably more aware – that sacred time together was one of the things we needed to do for ourselves.
So my pearls of wisdom for today are the following:
This morning I viewed a wonderful little video created by my friend, Dr. Jane Bolton, a therapist friend of mine. See video below.
The story goes like this: we’re little. We cry. The adults don’t want to hear it for whatever their reasons. They tell us big girls don’t cry or you cry too much or you have it so good you have no reason to cry. Whatever. So we learn that crying is bad or embarrassing or immature or something not OK.
But did you ever think that crying has a purpose?
Well, it does. It is a wonderful release. I believe it is a necessary release of emotion and it cleanses away many difficult feelings. For me, I believe it saved my life. I cried very easily as a child with lots of reasons that were valid. No child likes being yelled at and criticized on a very constant basis. It was a big release for me who was not allowed much of any other feeling except happiness. For 37 years I lived with someone – first mother then husband – who made me feel bad and fearful. And so I cried. Within two months of having finally left that husband in 1980, every one of my 4 children who were then 6, 7, 10 and 14 at the time noticed that, “You no longer cry everyday, Mommy.” That’s because my predominant feeling at the time was gratitude for no longer living in fear and unhappiness.
The upshot of these experiences is that I know that crying is like releasing a safety valve and that we were made as humans to experience all of it – anger, fear, hurt, sadness, happiness, joy. And crying is a great way to release those feelings that don’t feel good and even a way often to express joy.
I’ve never really written about my thoughts on crying and how sad I feel when I hear people apologizing for crying. Your tears are a gift to whomsoever gets to hear you – and hopefully give you a hug.
Trust is a huge factor in any relationship and is probably one of the most important things in understanding men. That’s what John Gray was teaching when we worked for him and that’s still true. On page 135 of Men Are from Mars, in the second paragraph John says,
“She Needs Caring and He Needs Trust: …When a woman’s attitude is open and receptive toward a man he feels trusted. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner….”
Men grow up wanting and, in fact, needing to be trusted and counted on in their relationships. And if they can or cannot will make the difference to a woman. A woman can be told over and over again that she can trust you but those are just words. It takes action to prove it and the best way for a man to help build the trust with a woman he is in a relationship with is to consistently follow through on what he says with his actions.
A woman that hears a man say he is going to do things and then actually see him follow up on what he has said and do it will find it much easier to build a trusting relationship than with a man who continuously says he is going to do things but doesn’t stand by his word and do them.
So how does this occur in our relationship? Well, I think we’ve refined this a bit. Life is busy for most of us these days and some of us are a bit forgetful so the Martian might promise to fix something around the house and might need to be reminded. But we have 25 years together and I can tell you that he is the most trustworthy man I have ever met. He always supports me and what I want. We committed to each other at our wedding in front of 100 loving friends and family that we would support each other in any of the ways we want to grow. On this point he is 100% trustworthy. I need my feelings and my sexuality treated with kid gloves. I was emotionally and sexually abused in my past. He passes with totally flying colors. We committed long ago to tell each other the emotional truth and he is unfailing in doing that and doing it lovingly and gently.
Does he always remember to change a light bulb exactly on time? Or fix something that needs fixing? Not always. Sometimes I remind him (trying to remember to “ask as if for the first time” – another Mars/Venus-ism) but on the really important stuff, he is a star Martian.