Many of the most successful women in society today will tell you that the main reason they have had as much success as they do is because they have had life coaching. Women, especially, are known for not standing up for themselves and being the nurturing ones in any relationship – work or personal. While being nurturing is a commendable thing, they’ve learned from their life coach first nurture yourself or you will begin to resent other people. They know this is the key to getting the love you want.
Support from a life coach can help women find the love within themselves. They then have the power and tools to overcome old, unconscious habits and help them focus on what they want in life. A coach helps them find the right ways to stand up for themselves and create an environment of self love. Without coaching, it is much more difficult to take a stand and take care of yourself. With a life coach holding you accountable to yourself, seeing you as BIG (of spirit not girth) as you really are, you can get past these obstacles and lead yourself into a much more successful and satisfying life. Getting the love you want starts from within.
We all go through weight gain some time in our lives. For me it entails self-hatred and shame. I know what overeating leads to besides fat because I’ve been there.
I’m not planning to go there again but I did gain a few pounds. But you know what? It’s actually ok. I think I’ve needed to learn to love my belly. The only way I was ever able to lose the weight was to love myself more and more but I think I still had a judgment based on fear and anger at my mother that I didn’t want to have a stomach like hers. I felt so powerless as a severely yelled at and criticized child, I projected my fear and hatred onto my mother’s body parts and thereby on mine. Weird, huh?
But I thought I forgave my mother and now love her without judging after these 27 years. I’ve done so much work on this. Well, I have but there’s a little judgment stuck in my energy like a piece of cookie stuck between my teeth. Probably old stuck energy eventually rots us just like stuff stuck in our teeth can do the same thing.
So now that my belly is a little more poochie than before and in about 6 pounds it’ll be normal size, I’m going to project feelings of love to it and for it as it goes away. I have a little more self-love to uncover and must allow myself to receive.
I’ve had many really cool experiences because I am online and because I do social networking on Twitter and a bit on Facebook. I have attracted clients through theses sources. I’ve been told more than once that people love my picture and it makes them trust me or they read my site and feel that way too. However, I have two really extraordinary experiences that sound like miracle to me:
I have a current client who lives in England who saw me on Twitter and read some of my tweets and thought, “Cool.” She then went away but somehow she just kept on seeing me and finally decided she had to call me. I am now her coach and she feels (and I agree) that she and are clones!
The navigation button all the way to the right on my website says “Ask a Coach Forum”. If you click on it you will find the social networking, self-guided journaling portion of my site. If you look at the members, you will see a young man from India. Here’s how he found me: I did a BlogTalkRadio interview in February with a woman in Ontario who found me and asked me to be her guest. Well, this young man from India found that interview on his Blackberry while listening in Kolkata, India! And he emailed me. And he joined my online Community!
If these things aren’t miracles, I don’t know what is!
Maia, thanks for moving our call since I was out of town at the regular day and time. I want to mention that working with the coaching form on a weekly basis has greatly simplified and enhanced my self-feedback as well as my record-keeping. With the filled out coaching form as a basis for my notes, I just add a few comments in the margins. I write almost as much as before, but it makes more sense to me now. Your insights about the family pictures I sent were succinct without being brutal – just what I needed to hear, and at the same time, I appreciated the “ah-ha” moments that came to me as we talked.
As always, I’m glad you are in my life. Tonight I got a chance to take your challenge to dive in rather than dipping a toe in the water. It was class night, and although Noel had agreed to attend in Oct., and handle the presentations, he had decided not to come tonight since he had been traveling over the weekend. I jumped in, we had two new people, and I did the presentation by myself. I did see where something could have been presented to the class in a more descriptive way, but it went quite well, and I felt that part of that feeling of freedom could be attributed to your coaching support which encouraged me to look into my motives and feelings on the issue I was grappling with, in order to achieve some clarity. I appreciate you for your honesty and forthrightness. Also, at no point during the class tonight did I feel I was in over my head – my lecture was informal and informative, and I was in control of the exercises. I really enjoyed teaching the class, where in the past I have been dreading it and wishing more people attended, etc.
Well, when your reputation is staked on being able to find the good and learning from everything, you can’t just start becoming a victim of either your aging body or any beliefs about what aging means. So my adventure here on Planet Earth at age 67 is like this and this is what I’m learning:
An aging body will sure teach you to take care of your body. The results of not doing it can be felt almost immediately. I pretty much got through my life doing a very minimum of exercise still looking OK and being able to move rather automatically.
Can’t get away with that any more. It doesn’t matter whether I have issues and want to take my time getting over this, it will not cooperate. If I don’t exercise frequently – like daily – I feel not great in my body and my balance and strength dwindles perceptibly even though I eat very, very healthy and have done so for years.
OK. I WILL LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO TAKE COMPLETE CARE OF MY BODY. NO EXCUSES! AND TODAY IS MY 67TY BIRTHDAY!!
OK. I teach and coach about relationships. Everybody knows that communication is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship. In relationship communication I have learned to communicate the big stuff – like. “You are acting like a jerk” or “when you don’t talk to me, I feel scared about our relationship and don’t know what’s going on,” etc.
But how do I let you know things like, “You have dandruff “or “you dripped on the bathroom floor or messed up the sheets?” Those things are so personal and seem so hard to communicate and so petty to boot. I just want to let them go. But then I end up resentful. You know, little thing on top of little thing on top of clean up after you and say nothing, on top of little thing and I’m ready to walk right out the door.
I’ve been in a great relationship for 25 years and I still haven’t learned the best way to do it. Any ideas on relationship communication?
“Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.”
Kahlil Gibran
Some days all you can do are the basics. Some days you won’t be able to do this work of focusing on growing. Your capacity is low.
Capacity is what you’re capable of doing in any one day without harming yourself at any level. Capacity is an indefinite quantity or tolerance for activity that you have on a daily basis. It’s how much power, energy or “wattage” you can put out each day. It is changeable based on many factors including mental tiredness, stress, physical tiredness or energy level. Imagine capacity as a very receptive light bulb with varying levels of wattage dependent upon available energy.
Your Look at Capacity in Yourself
The daily risk you run in looking at capacity in yourself is twofold. On the one hand, it may engender a feeling of entitlement because you are still fighting for a victim view of your life. That sounds like, “I should be able to slack off because I’ve had to do so much or had it so hard.”
On the other hand, you may fall into the trap of expecting too much from yourself – more than your current capacity allows.
Others Look at Capacity in You
The danger for others in looking into your life is comparable – either enabling you or expecting too much from you. Our society tends to put a great value on performance and overwork. Just being (not doing) and true self-care are most often undervalued.
Workaholism is a real possibility when you are out of touch with the Real You. I overworked in an unsatisfying job and ended up with early stages of breast cancer. In later chapters, you will learn tools for looking at yourself so you can evaluate your life circumstances and see what is true and real for you.
Things that give you inner joy will increase your capacity or give you energy and things that create stress or too many commitments may decrease capacity. The “why” of your particular capacity today does not matter any more than the why of the color of your eyes or your liver capacity.
However, if your health is affecting your capacity that might be caused by having stuffed emotions. In that case, dealing with your stuffed emotions could be a very important way to increase your capacity or energy.
The definition of capacity has nothing to do with intelligence or the Real You. It is just a day-by-day way to look at your energy level.
Be very honest with yourself and when in doubt about your current capacity, ask yourself, “How can I tell the difference between my capacity and my denial?”
Alternatively, check in with a trusted friend for feedback if you can’t gain clarity to make sure you are not using decreased capacity as an excuse for not doing what you want to do in this book or other activities of your life.
Your job is doing an activity up to your capacity without hurting your body. It’s acceptable to sleep as much as your body needs. If you need 10 hours a night, that is okay. It is so easy to listen to the prevailing wisdom that changes all the time and depends on which “expert” is speaking about it and possibly what point of view they are trying to sell. Do not take that as your gospel. (Likewise, that includes me. You are on this journey to learn to trust yourself.)
You might be wondering what capacity has to do with a transformational journey. Most likely you will be adding a whole other aspect to your life that takes time and energy. Looking at your capacity will help you prioritize in order to gain or maintain balance in your life and satisfy your needs.
work on this. Well, I have but there’s a little judgment stuck in my energy like a piece of cookie stuck between my teeth. Probably old stuck energy eventually rots us just like stuff stuck in our teeth can do the same thing.
more than once that people love my picture and it makes them trust me or they read my site and feel that way too. However, I have two really extraordinary experiences that sound like miracle to me:
