What a great session we had today – which is the usual for us. Now that you have a coaching blog, I can express the enthusiasm and clarity I feel at the end of our session.  In the past I sometimes did this by email.

When I was commenting to you how stagnated I feel because I “should” be more focused on creating my website, you made me aware of “should”.  Thanks.  I will be working on the assignment you proposed and look forward to next week’s time together.  My assignment was to live with the inquiry of “What if I jumped right to going after being a life coach with no steps in between?” I’ll let that percolate for the week and see where it goes in me.

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My Neighbor Lives 10,000 Miles away

Global Consciousness & Community

On September 11, 2001 the world changed. Now we truly know that those that live 10,000 miles away are our neighbors.  Everyone on this planet feels the effects of  what a few fanatics did to the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The effects will continue to be felt for the rest of our lives. Many things have changed and are changing as this is being written. No one is smart enough or enough of a prophet to be able to predict what all the results will be. Some things, however, are powerfully clear. What we say and do and think effects everyone else. If I decide not to fly because I am scared, I send a message to those that know me that they should be scared. When they mention the incident to others in their lives, they too are effected. People may lose their jobs because of my choices. This, in turn, effects our economy. Our economy effects the world economy. At no time in history is it more clear that we are a world community – whether everyone likes it or not.

The 20th century paradigm was, “I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.” Rugged individualism was highly valued. Even though the women’s movement occurred in groups, the desired outcome was more individual power for women. Not a bad thing in itself but individual none the less. The 21st century paradigm is about community, cooperation and co-activity. Co-activity is defined as “active collaboration1” and “an alliance between two equals2.” The term is used to refer to the relationship between coach and client but readily applies to a wider world view. It is a concept and a term that is useful to describe the  model and culture for the 21st century.

Emergencies and situations that require special help and support frequently make us realize how important our communities are to us. We may move to a new place and have no family or friends. We may come to a new passage in our lives – marriage, divorce, grown children. Intentional communities are those created wherever we are on our journey through life.

Building and broadening your intentional communities will nurture your life. Then when life happens, the community is in place. Part of being a successful person is the awareness that we aren’t alone and that everything we do impacts each other politically and environmentally.

• Reach out to longtime friends for connection. Make new ones. Bridge the gaps that exist between people and nations so that hatred and lack of understanding can disappear.

• Use professional associations and connections as a launch pad for personal connections. There is bound  to be at least one person there grappling with similar issues – even if you both want to figure out how to leave the profession.

• Get a coach – now. Coaches offer continuity and perspectives on your growth.  If money is an issue—once or twice a month is better than not at all. If your coach hasn’t earned her value for you within a six months period,  get another.

Old Energy Thinking: You have to do it alone. It builds character.
New Energy: Everything I do, even if I do it alone, effects everyone.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Thinking About Becoming a Life Coach?

Many people are joining or thinking about joining the most likely huge future of life coaching by becoming a life coach themselves.

• If you have always been the kind of person that other people come to for advice or help with organizing and guiding their life, life coaching might be right for you.

• If you have a passion for this type of thing and are looking to make a potentially  lucrative income, you owe it to yourself to check out the opportunity. It is much easier than you may think.

I recommend that you hire a life coach to first experience what coaching is like. “Interview” your life coach and get a feel for what day to day life is like for them and how they spend their time. If you are still interested, give some thought to what you might like to specialize in. Consider whether you need training and definitely work with your life coach for awhile to gain some experience with the process.

Part of your decision-making progression, besides your intuitive leanings toward the profession, will be to work with your coach on whether life coaching is what you really want to pursue and any other issues surrounding that decision.

Working with a great life coach, will give you an understanding of life coaching from the inside out. You might even try offering a little free life coaching with a willing buddy and see how you do as coach – both from their perspective and your own.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Insight For Living

One of my clients just retired after almost 5 decades of working for someone else. Her goals setting and why we started our coaching relationship was to retire and start a life coaching practice. She has done both. She has found through our work that she was hiding her insight for living. She did this by working in an academic                environment where she only has a Masters degree and everyone else had a Ph.D. It was the perfect place and situation for her to hide.

Now that she recognizes that she does this her spirit is calling her to rid herself of that limitation. She has proven her change recently.  She has a minister who she’s been in training under. The minister is unconsciously trying to do the same thing my client.  The minister called her, met with her and made it known that she expects my client to be pretty much totally available at the church and at the minister’s beck and call because “now you have the time now that you are retired”.

My client realized when she woke up the next morning what had occurred. She was being asked to shift her own insight for living. She realized what she needed and for the FIRST TIME IN THE 17 MONTHS WE’VE BEEN WORKING TOGETHER, ASKED TO HAVE HER APPT. EARLIER IN THE WEEK IF I COULD DO IT. This was such great news. It was her asking to have her needs fulfilled and not making do – as she is wont to do.

We spoke and asked her questions like: “What do you want to/really love to do at the church at this time?” pretty much over and over until she came up with her list and will get back to the minister with “what I am willing to do for you and the church” rather than “what you automatically expect me to do and I’ll make fine with me.” This was her reclaiming her insight for living and what she truly had a passion for.

Somewhere the words that probably my mother gave me seemed to want to come out to her. “We gave you your backbone today.”

I got a great little email after our call saying: “Thanks for the call – it helped tremendously.
This line was in a local advice column today:
“…people who don’t assert themselves are essentially agreeing to live life on the terms of those around them who do.”

And that about sums it up for me, as I see it. While I know this, sometimes I slip into what is easiest, and it is more comfortable to avoid confrontation, but then I don’t really get to live the life I want to live. And to use the other analogy from the piece I read you earlier, I am the one letting the fuel leak out (of my enthusiasm).”

This woman has found the intuition to follow her own insight for living.  If she continues to follow this and listen to herself she will find true happiness. I love coaching!

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Anger – That Scary Old Thing

I’ve noticed that lots of people write about anger management on the internet. Seems like most of the suggestions have to do with thinking and controlling yourself. If someone has a problem with anger, a natural emotion, that means that their reactions are too large, too angry, maybe scary to those around them and probably lead the person with that problem to say things they are very sorry for after. It can also lead to violence.

Over 25 years ago I went to a series of monthly workshops and a weekly support group led by John Gray and Barbara deAngelis who were married to each other at the time. In those groups they talked about anger and how old, unexpressed anger was at the root of anger problems. They taught us a technique that I still teach my clients. It’s called a Love Letter because they explained that love is underneath all the negative feelings.

I had a different kind of anger problem. I thought I didn’t have any – anger – that is. Even though I was criticized and yelled at throughout my entire childhood (and early adulthood) by my mother. Of course, I did. I just didn’t know it. I had lost connection to it. Of course, I did yell at my kids and my ex-husband but I didn’t know I was angry.

If you have an anger problem, you might try using this letter writing tool. It’s kind of like having free therapy. You go through your feelings in a safe environment by putting them on paper in a prescribed way. No one gets hurt and you rid yourself of a layer of stuck anger and all the feelings underneath.

We used to say in our groups with John and Barbara, “If you want to feel better, write a Love Letter.”

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Gratitude Connects Us

Did you know that feeling gratitude connects us? I live in Los Angeles. In 1994, we had a 6.7 magnitude  earthquake centered in Northridge. I remember waking up to my bed being lifted and shaken was one of the scariest experiences of my life.  It was as if a giant had picked me up and dropped me again. I feel scared now as I write this as I still live and love Los Angeles.

After quickly dressing and getting out of the apartment, checking in with neighbors and notifying children of our safety, my husband and I decided to take a long walk around the area to see what damage had occurred.

We were amazed to find everyone we walked by smiling and exchanging greetings and warm words with us.

This was L.A. No one ever looks at you as you walk by (unless you’re a beautiful young person.) No one ever smiles. Only  street people asking for a handout ever talk to you.

But the gift we received was connecting to these L.A. strangers’ humanity. Under their fear and apprehension, everyone we met felt as we did – grateful to be alive and wanting to connect. Before this earthshaking event I always thought of Los Angeles as a pretty unfriendly place.

Now when I see  people I don’t know no matter where I am, I remind myself who’s really inside the strangers I see. We don’t have to wait until earthquakes and 9/11 tragedies to have gratitude towards our loving, smiling neighbors.

And don’t wait for the next death or illness in your own family to tell and show the people in your family that you love them and are grateful they are in your life.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!