One of the things I love to help transform in a client’s life, is the way of their intimate relationship. The relationship advice I give is based on my experience. My own path wound through a 19-year first relationship which produced much pain and 4 kids, a short 1 1/2 year relationship which taught me what I didn’t know about what a relationship could be but wasn’t and, 25 years ago, the one that has it all.
My husband and I have an amazing intimate relationship – amazing if it was the only one we ever had but most amazing because it is a 3rd marriage for us both. “The Martian”, aka my husband, promises to comment on my entries on this topic. We’re calling him Martian because he’s a high school teacher and doesn’t want his students to find him on the internet and we have all that background in the Mars Venus world of John Gray too.
I haven’t fully figured it out but almost every time there’s a weekend or a vacation, the first thing that happens is – we have a fight – small and dumb – but a fight nonetheless. Somebody wrote a song that says something like, “why do we always fight when I ……. something? “
Relationship advice: Maybe we feel safe enough to bring our frazzled energy picked up from the rest of our lives to each other to dump out so we can refill it with the love that we share the rest of the time. It’s like removing the sediment of life so pure, fresh love has room to flow.
I always thought we’d get over it but we’ve been together for 28 years and we did it yesterday as soon as the Martian got home from work at the beginning of his 11 days off. But, as always, we got over it and now things are “normal” again.
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Life sure does seem to be happening faster and faster. Can a life coach help with any of this?
Maybe it’s my age but I hear lots of younger people voice the same observation. For whatever reason, no matter how fast-paced your life seems to be, you may still feel like you are spinning your wheels and getting nothing done and getting nowhere.
Whether you procrastinate and put off the important things you need to do or if you constantly seem to come up against a brick wall at every turn, sometimes it takes someone else to help you look at your life situation with an objective eye and see what some of the underlying issues may be. Sometimes it’s self doubt and low self esteem. Sometimes it’s just a shortage of needed skills. Maybe it’s a combination of both.
Fear and self doubt may blind you to what is really happening. Feelings and emotions may be in the way and you may never grow past these issues and become prosperous and self-respecting. If you are working hard and still feel like you are getting nowhere, a life coach could be the key to helping you see what the issues are that are standing in your way and moving forward past them to a whole new future. Make a serious commitment now and deal with the situation before it is too late and you have missed many incredible opportunities. Go pick up the phone.
Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!
I believe creativity is intimately tied up with higher self esteem and emotional healing – at least for some of us. When I started to feel good about me and trust myself and didn’t carry so much old baggage, I began to be willing to write and take myself seriously enough to write a book.
Funny thing is when I was in school I loved my English classes but was always critiqued by teachers for my ability to speak well about what we read but my very limited writing ability.
I write poems, little essays and comments on life. Now I love all of my writing. I see creative writing as another self empowerment.
Hair Stories
Honey
I was 2 or 3. I lived in an apartment in E. Orange, NJ over a store – a drug store that my mother worked in while my father was away in the Army. My father was in Europe in the Army in WWII. I lived with my very nervous, unsure mother and her roommate, Joan.
I remember walking between our neighbor’s apartment, an old lady named Blanche, and my apartment. Blanche sometimes combed my hair into special hairstyles. I remember two braids pinned up on my head. The hairstyle came with her honeyed love – honey because it was sweet and it clung to me when I went home where a more nervous, matter-of-fact kind of love lived.
Dad’s Shoulders
One of my favorite things to do was to sit on my dad’s shoulders as he sat on the couch and fix his hair. I used barrettes and bobby pins, (remember those?) – maybe even bows. He’d let me comb it and play with it as long as I wanted to. My mother was impatient and I would never have even asked her. She felt too uninviting.
I felt like I was floating in a safe cocoon-like bubble – just me and him. It was a little girl version of a hot tub with your closest friend.
Bobby Pin
It’s a bit of a stretch to call this one a hair story. It’s actually about a bobby pin and my brilliant 4-year-old experiment with electricity. (Ah! My mother was fixing her hair, so it actually qualifies.)
My mother was sitting at her dressing table combing her hair. (Does anyone have a dressing table any more? They seem to signify a slower time when women weren’t in a rush to look beautiful and be out the door. They took their time to sit down and make themselves beautiful. And they even took the time to put “skirts” on the dressing table.) I was hanging out on the floor watching when I saw a bobby pin. I thought, “I wonder if this would light up if I put it in the plug?” So I tried it. Wow! Ouch! Fire came out and burned my hand. I spent the whole day lying on the bed with my mother helping me put my hand in ice water so it wouldn’t hurt and blister. It was too cold. She did it with me to make me want to do it more. It blistered anyway and I never forgot what’s in the plug.
The Permanent
I had very straight hair when I was a child and, being female, I wanted curls. Sometimes I’d bug my mother enough so that she would set it in rags but those curls came out right away. A couple of times my mother let me get a permanent in a beauty parlor because the Toni’s she gave me, always came out in a few days and they were very smelly, too. Not only that but my mother was all thumbs so it wasn’t very like the picture showed it to be. The curlers were crooked and falling out.
I believe it was 2nd grade and we were going to have our pictures taken and my mother agreed to let me go to the Pleasantdale Beauty Salon to get a permanent. I was very in love with my 2nd grade teacher, Miss Sokely, and wanted to look especially wonderful for picture day. I have that picture some place in my pile of pictures. My bangs (cut by my father with a dish towel across my forehead) were straight and the rest of my hair was straight right down to my ears where it stuck out in bushy permanent curls. To top this picture of feminine pulchritude off, I was missing some of my front teeth. Did I think I looked beautiful enough for Miss Sokely? Although this seemed like a major event at the time, I don’t remember. There’s something for me to learn here. Whatever is happening today, in 50 years I won’t remember.
The Wig
Oh, my poor overly self-conscious 21-year-old self! In the early sixties wigs were “in” – particularly for Black women. My father sold clothes and wigs almost exclusively to Black women door-to-door. And he sold wigs. Lots of wigs. Sometimes I was coerced into working with him and he made me wear a blonde wig! Can you imagine me in a blonde wig? I couldn’t either.
But this was my very own dark hair, almost black hair, wig. My boyfriend and later first husband got it in his head that I should have one and he bought it for me from my father and gave it to me as a gift. Of course, I felt I had to love it. But wearing it was a whole other story! I hated it! I knew everyone was looking at me and thinking how weird I looked. But did I tell my boyfriend? Of course not. I managed to convince him that it was appropriate only for very dressy situations. And then I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my friend. And my boyfriend expected me to wear the wig. I did. I had the worst time I ever had in my life. I was in 100% stress throughout the wedding. I even brought another dress to change into after the ceremony trying to convince myself that it was the dress that stressed me out. But it was the wig. I shlepped that wig along on my honeymoon to Europe. I never wore it; I just shlepped it. I don’t recall what finally happened to it – how I got over having to please him and force myself into wearing it. I know it wore it very few times. I know it was long gone when I finally left him in 1980. He probably just got tired of caring about the wig. And the funny thing is I had long, beautiful, almost black real hair.
The Braid
I was what I like to call a “middle-class hippy.” I wore long dresses exclusively for 3 years while my husband went off to work as a programmer in a suit everyday. I had the requisite long hair and we belonged to a somewhat exotic spiritual organization which completely freaked my parents out.
I loved wearing my hair in two long ponytails or one long braid. I looked so “in” and exotic. It took 3 years to grow my hair long enough to have a braid that touched my waist. It took a full day for my hair to dry when I washed it in N.J. humidity. It was a real challenge to have hair like that. I had two little kids – one a baby who’s little chubby hands loved to grab my long hair.
One day when I was driving around doing the mom-like errands of a mother of two and a wife, I had it! That damn braid kept feeling like a lump of coal stuck in the middle of my back while I rushed around and tried to keep a 2 year old and a 6 year old from killing me from the back seat. I came home that Friday and told my husband I had to cut it off. I called around to local beauty shops but the women were booked for appointments with full force that Saturday. So we left the kids with my parents and went into Greenwich Village that very night and I found a somewhat famous beauty salon open until midnight that would do my hair. All the operators stood around while the man who cut my hair cut it to a pixie! And here I am at 66 thinking of growing a braid again!
Hair Dye
And then there’s the story of my dying my hair. When I was around 30ish, I started to get a bit of a gray streak in the front of my hair. I kind of liked it. Never thought about dying it – being the mother earth type and all that. Until I met Barbara D. I gave her lots of power and she thought I should cover the gray and try a reddish look. Why did I listen to her? I did it because I thought she knew.
Dying my hair is a big pain in the neck. My dark hair is very dark. Roots weren’t in like they seem to be in today. But I think it’s dark roots with light hair and mine was the other way around anyway. I dyed my hair for about 12 years until one day I dyed it and I had a really bad allergic reaction. The light came on! I am the “natural girl”. Dying my hair doesn’t go with me. Thanks for the message, God. I’ll let it grow out. But how ugly. First thing I did was cut it and use a hair pencil to cover the roots. And it looked worse. So I went to a beauty salon and asked the owner who had very long striking natural gray and dark hair herself if she could do something to temporarily cover it while it grew in. She said she could. And my hair turned pink and green! I had it cut very, very short and survived until it all the dye grew out.
Do you notice any an underlying theme throughout these little stories? Do you notice the self-esteem journey written within?
Exercise: Try writing a story of your life choosing a theme and showing your growth. I recommend a wonderful book to use as guidance: Your Life as Story by Tristine Rainer.
Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!
I was looking through some older posts and felt this one would serve any readers as well as it did a year ago. (A year ago!)
From my perspective as a life coach, it is important for me to be on a path of growth and to report in on my path of growth. The intimate nature of the coaching relationship and the “if Maia can do it, I can do it too” attitude I support my clients and readers with, I feel requires me to do no less. So here’s the latest report on my path of growth:
With a financial dive in 2001 in our background and from the perspective of a couple in their 60′s and 70′s as another reality, my husband and I have been reluctant to purchase a car. As a matter of fact, I think there’s been a little of hoping “the other shoe doesn’t drop” – particularly when there’s been something wrong with our 2000 Ford Focus. “What if we had to buy a car? What would we have to cut back on to make a payment? What if our credit isn’t good enough?” have been questions floating around in our heads.
Tuesday was a very big day – for us all. This is how my Tuesday started out: I decided that a trip to a local store would work before my client call at 8 a.m. so off in the Ford Focus I went. I was driving south on Lincoln Blvd. coming to a stop behind a truck when the next thing I knew was – I hit the truck and simultaneously was smacked in the chest with the airbag. The airbag on the (empty) passenger side hit the windshield with such force that it smashed it. Other than surprise, the only other effect to me were the very minor injuries I sustained - two teeny scabs on knuckles, a mildly sore breastbone and a rapidly fading scrape from the seat belt on my neck.
By Saturday we had a 2007 Ford Taurus in perfect condition, a totaled 2000 Ford Focus, an additional source of income and an offer of payout by the insurance company tomorrow.
I learned:
Not only is Law of Attraction operating at all times but sometimes the Universe provides the last little extra bit to make my dreams come true with tiniest little help given via a slight Universe-type kick in the butt.
That I (and, I assume, you) need to experience the not getting what I want in order to give me an opportunity to work though my stuff and create the vibration I do want; i.e. feel that little tightness of anxiety over “Maybe we’ll need a new car” followed by positive self-talk, “Oh, no. You’re not going to take me down that fear path” followed by more positive self-talk, “You’ve never had lack and it’s not about to start now” followed by peace and serenity and acceptance or something like that.
The reason the Law of Attraction is also sometimes called The Law of Allowing, is that it really is a defenses all down, allowing it (plug in ‘whatever you want’ for “it’) to happen. It’s not putting up all that negative noise – thoughts, judgments, not deservings.
Of course, I don’t really know if that’s how it works, but it sure seems to be working like that in my life. How about you?
Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!
Everybody knows what it feels like to have low self esteem at some point in their life. Everyone has walked into a situation they were uncomfortable in and watched all their confidence fly right out the window.
Unfortunately, many people live their entire life like that. Living this way on a regular basis just continues the cycle of negative thoughts about yourself bringing you more negative thoughts until it is hard to see anything of value about yourself.
I have worked on self esteem programs that my clients have flourished with. Here are a few things I would suggest first:
Try thinking about yourself objectively and make a list of things that you do like about yourself and things you don’t. Then carefully go over the lists and determine which of the things really bothers you the most. Pick the one that bothers you the most and see if you can actually control the situation and if there is a possible solution to the issue. You may find that some of the things that you think are such problems can be changed with the right attitude. If not, you might consider finding help through self esteem programs.
Doing this kind of exercise with someone you trust might get you better results. If you don’t have someone like that in your life with whom to do this kind of exercise, a therapist or life coach might be just what you need.
Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!
Thanks so much for today’s session, the whole hour, especially!! What a treat .
We actually dug deeper and it felt right. I must say again that your life experiences are light for my own path, and it serves as support for me to know that you have been through similar experiences and have made it through successfully.
You also made me realize the possibility that I may not be as devoted and committed to doing the thought work to overcome my anxiety and this has motivated me to be more focused and aware on this matter.
You are a wonderful coach.
Love.
Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!
“To die for the revolution is a one-shot deal; to live for the revolution means taking on the more difficult commitment of changing our day-to-day life patterns.” Frances M. Beal
Close your eyes for a moment. Imagine a shiny, almost see-able, floating disk hovering on three glowing pillars sitting in the center of your chest. Written on the disk is the word “commitment”. Commitment is what is central to transformation. This commitment to yourself means that no matter what is occurring in your life, YOUR PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION IS THE CORE VALUE YOU HOLD DEAREST. It is your reality and your salvation.
Transformation means changing or discovering yourself. Changing yourself will take work– and commitment. Commitment means even when you don’t want to do the work because it’s hard or you’re tired or you’re busy or it’s uncomfortable . . . or . . . or, you’ll do it anyway. How does that happen? How do you get yourself to do it anyway? How do I get myself to stick to my boring, limited and health-producing eating program? I do it because I am totally committed to loving myself on all levels.
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOURSELF
“Don’t forget to love yourself.” Soren Kierkegaard
THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS (A) JOURNEY OF TRANSFORMATION IS TO BE THE PERSON YOU WERE BORN TO BE.
WILLINGNESS, COMMITMENT AND SELF-LOVE STRIDE HAND AND HAND TOGETHER. TRANSFORMATION WILL NOT OCCUR, ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER.
Back to Commitment
OK. Stop reading right now. Do not go any further in the program until you write down your reasons for wanting to transform your life. If you just read ahead, you will have some new information and you will take the big chance of never experiencing any change in your life and never transforming or uncovering the Real You –
STOP THIS VERY MINUTE. WRITE EVERY SINGLE REASON WHY YOUR LIFE IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE. WRITE EVERY SINGLE WAY YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU WANT TO BE.
Relationship advice: Maybe we feel safe enough to bring our frazzled energy picked up from the rest of our lives to each other to dump out so we can refill it with the love that we share the rest of the time. It’s like removing the sediment of life so pure, fresh love has room to flow.
Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook! 
I was what I like to call a “middle-class hippy.” I wore long dresses exclusively for 3 years while my husband went off to work as a programmer in a suit everyday. I had the requisite long hair and we belonged to a somewhat exotic spiritual organization which completely freaked my parents out.
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