Trust Builds One Little Notch at a Time

Each time you tell a person how you feel and they don’t reject your for it, trust builds. Not only that – you will have a relationship based on who you authentically are. No mask to come off later and disappoint the other person because they thought you were someone else – the one with the mask.

Anyone who is attracted to reading something called  How a coach can help you to build a sense of trust most likely has some trust issues. Those issues impact us in many ways. Following are some examples:

Personal relationships – “What if I’m myself and you leave me?” That is often the basic reason people get into poor relationships in the first place. They ignore their own inner knowledge of themselves by acting how they think the other wants them to act.

Work relationships – “Can I really allow myself to trust anyone who I don’t know well or in a job situation?”  They don’t trust people to be supportive and authentic.

Making decisions – “I’m really not sure what to do.” They have a hard time because they don’t trust themselves.

How can a life coach help you with these difficult situations?

When you talk to someone weekly who always supports your agenda, tells you the way they see things in your life quite openly and who has an attitude that your answers are in you, you begin to trust that person.

When that life coach also keeps pointing out the ways your attitudes and emotional responses are right, you begin to trust that person more. And you begin to trust yourself more.

As you experience success after success in support of yourself, you eventually become a trusting person because you know you have the information inside you that will steer you where you want to go in your life. You will know if a person is trustworthy in your personal and work relationships and you will trust yourself to make decisions.

That is one of the things an experience of life coaching can provide you.

Self Esteem Issues

If you read around this site, you’ll notice that my path in life has involved healing great self-esteem issues and body image issues. I started telling God what was wrong with my body when I was 10 years old! And that was 56 years ago.

Imagine (my guess is you know) what a barrage of make believe images your girls (and women) are hit with daily. Advertisements, billboards, magazines in the supermarket line, TV, internet, etc. etc. Does it make an impression and contribute towards self esteem issues? Does it set up an impossibly unreal image that girls and women think they are supposed to emulate? You bet it does!

My lovely husband found the following and sent it to me:

• Looking to get together with a group of women of all ages, from around the world, who are passionate about real beauty? Check out Dove.us for meaningful conversation, second opinions, moral support, or just to add your two cents.

• Come on in and feel free to speak out. Tell others about yourself. Your perspective on things just might inspire someone else. And that would be a beautiful thing.

Amazingly this is a beauty product company who is offering these programs. Those 5 little videos are well worth watching and will likely take you two minutes. Please share this with everyone you know. We can all do our part to have all our beautiful woman or all races, sizes, weights, hairstyle, hair texture, hair color, short, tall, thin, “fat” understand that everything about them is beautiful!

Personal Spiritual Life Coach

It’s not about religion. I don’t care what religion you do or do not belong to. It is about that invisible power that makes you alive – your spirit. So a spiritual life coach is very tuned into your being-ness. As a spiritual life coach myself, I have literally developed my intuition so well that I often know things about you that you don’t have clarity on yourself.

The question may arise for you, “How can she really know me if we don’t sit in the same room?” I will respond that coaching over the phone has refined my ability to zero in on my clients. My already fine-tuned intuition and sixth sense has become even more finely tuned with all the years of phone coaching. There is a focus and stillness in the connection via phone lines. There is much research that proves our ability to effect others at a distance.

That’s what having a personal spiritual life coach is all about – spiritual and personal growth. Personal spiritual growth might be called spiritual fulfillment or spiritual growth. Unless you are talking about technical courses to learn computer or programming skills or business management or any other hands-on kind of skill – all of which is quite useful – you are probably talking about growing yourself as a person.

And that would mean your spirit – your something that makes you a human – has been made to be able to handle life in a more functional manner.

If I hear “this economy” one more time..!

I know that we all can individually have an impact on this world, whether it is through our negative or positive thinking. So if we focus on our positive thinking and this economy, could we change this negative light that surrounds the world right now? I remember hearing Carolyn Myss talk about the fact that we all like to bond with each other by talking about our wounds. Well, she’s right. Almost everyone I talk to these days wants to say those two words in the title to me with a certain negative emotional oomph. Because I know how Law of Attraction works and because I am experiencing a tremendous amount of prosperity in my life, I’m not buying into this attempt to pull the planet in a negative direction. We have enough of that.

Abraham Hicks says we get more of what we focus on which is another way of talking about Law of Attraction.

Question: So what if you are in a job you’re not crazy about and you also think this isn’t the right time (see title) to try to change jobs? How can you still vibrate at a rate that will attract your desired outcomes and will feel good in your body?

Answer : Use your job experience as a way to grow yourself. Learn how to change your attitude about it and watch yourself go through that process. Find the good/lesson in this change and focus on your positive thinking.

Example from my life: In 2001 my husband and I lost all our money. We were 58 and 66 respectively. In 2003 my then 70-year-old husband got himself hired by Los Angeles Unified School District as a high school Physics teacher. Imagine starting a new career with 100+ inner city teenagers in your classes daily and of completely different background than he ever interacted with much and that’s what his daily work life is like. Imagine also being required to fulfill a 3-year Master’s equivalent program at the same time. Here’s how he’s handled it:

• He uses it to grow his organization abilities which he’s ignored throughout his life.
• He uses it to watch himself become an amazing teacher.
• He uses it to see if how he could offer these kids a faster track into a successful life than their background, education and financial situation would normally allow.
• He uses as a way to keep him taking care of his body so he can do it. You should see him doing pull ups, push ups and using Wii Fit.

I could go on and on about him but I think you can see he’s taken full responsibility for his life and his attitude and treats this situation as a way to grow. He’s gained so much by feeling in charge of his life.  Rather than moaning about the state of our finances and how unlucky we were, he focused on his positive thinking and it has made all the difference.

How can you make use of your job or career to grow as a human and make a positive thinking contribution to the planet?

I have a client who is successfully navigating a healthy relationship with a man for the first time in her 46 years! Her work on herself is wondrous. She has healed a scarily abusive childhood, healed very damaged self-esteem and most recently lost over 80 pounds. She has a plan to stop smoking in less than two months now.

Now she thinks she might be a narcissist because she is aware of her needs and not wanting to just cater to his needs. Taking care of herself is her job. Taking care of himself is his job. Does that mean either is selfish or a narcissist? He could be. I don’t know him. But I do know her. The reason she thinks this is possible is because taking care of herself is such a new concept for her.

As a child she was taught to take care of others and not herself. Now at 46, she is beginning to get a glimmer of what she needs and even act on it. Why now? Because she has cleared away much of the hurt, pain and anger from her childhood and the voices in her head have started to have loving messages instead of only the critical ones she learned as a child.

It’s a great pleasure as a life coach to watch this happen; to know I have helped birth this newness and self love. I love my job!

Is it giving you energy – or taking your energy

Sometimes we like to stay in denial about our relationships. We can’t really tell if it’s working or not. Sometimes it’s as if we just don’t want to know – or at least our ego doesn’t want to know because then it will mean change and our egos HATE change.

So here’s the simple test: Stop. Think of your relationship. Pay attention to your body. Does thinking of it make you happy to think about it or leave you feeling dull, hurting, confused, wishful, pained, __fill in the blank__________. If it leaves you feeling anything like that, you’ve got problems.

I’ve had three varieties. The first one was started when neither of us had a clue about how to do have a relationship. I felt hurt, fearful, unhappy and want to leave almost every day for 15 years. I’m pretty sure he did too. We were young and did not know how to treat each other well.

The second one would have been the kind to fool most anyone. He was a really nice person. He tried to be a partner but there were the sneaky ways he didn’t tell the truth about himself and what he was up to; the ways I felt wistful that maybe I made a mistake; the discomfort of the imbalance in contributions to our financial well-being with no real desire on his part to improve himself. It might have confused me if I hadn’t had my long and hard disaster before it. I knew I couldn’t hold onto something that wasn’t working well EVER AGAIN.

I think making that decision was what led to the over 25 year never a question, always good and working partnership I have allowed in my life. No confusion. Hurts dealt with right away. Very clearly a well working success story.

What will it take for you to decide to have a good relationship?

Ego or Self Esteem?

Self esteem is all about how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself as a person. Increasing your self esteem is normally considered a good thing but keep in mind that like with everything else there is an up side and a down side.

If you have a low self esteem and you raise it to a point where you feel good about who you are, this is a good thing. But if you raise your self esteem too high and you become too full of yourself, you can be hurtful to people you love. This is not such a good thing.

Many years ago on my own personal journey of finding authentic self esteem I got a very hard job selling financial products to school teachers. I worked extremely hard and succeeded mightily (at least according to those who measure success by how much money you make). My authentic self esteem, my sense of being able to accomplish a hard thing daily, did increase. But so did my need to let everyone I knew know how much money I was making. I blush to think how full of myself I was. (And I apologize to all my friends for my obnoxiousness.)

This is all about ego – that sneaking little aspect of your mind that tells you that you are either not good enough or too good. It compares you to someone else to make you wrong or it compares you to someone else to make you superior. Neither of these states constitutes authentic self esteem.

Ego feelings come from your head. Authentic self esteem comes from your heart or gut or spirit. They are in line with your essential Whoever-Created-You-Given sense of worthiness.

Examine your levels of self esteem as honestly as you can. Listen to your heart and your gut instincts to lead you to be honest with yourself. When you have an honest picture of where you may be lacking in the self esteem area, then you can proceed with specific techniques to assist you in bringing your self esteem to the level of authentic good feelings about yourself – from the inside out.