Is Self Esteem Even Important?

Self esteem may not seem that important to some (they’re probably feeling fine about themselves) but it has a huge impact on your daily life. It has an affect on your moods, your reactions and how people treat you.

Seek learning on how to get past negative emotions like anger, jealousy and blame and not let them overshadow your thinking. (Check out this tool .)

Everyone experiences small episodes of these harmful emotions but if you let them be your whole focus, you will never be happy and everyone you meet will know it.

In addition, these emotions build up and create harmful physical conditions like heart disease and high blood pressure. Make sure you laugh everyday. Watch a comedy show to lift your mood. You can’t possibly feel hopeless or angry if you are laughing.

1. Increase your self esteem by doing nice things for other people. They don’t even need to know you did it. In fact, it might is better if they don’t. It will make you feel very good about yourself though, and that is what is important.
2. Stop criticizing every little mistake you make. Watch the words you say about yourself. No more “stupid” or “dummy”. Everyone makes mistakes.
3. Take all those negative things you are thinking about yourself and turn them into  positive thoughts and your self esteem will be on the rise one little step at a time.
4. Learn to choose how you respond to whatever situation you may find yourself in. You can decide to calmly handle a situation with as little stress and bad feelings as possible or you can freak out yell, scream, cry and make a bad situation worse.
5. And if your emotional residue from the past is so large it doesn’t feel like you have a choice, seek help – self-help, coaching or therapy. Whatever suits you.
6. Another way to make yourself feel better and give your self esteem a little boost is to dress up now and then for no reason. It will make you feel good knowing that you look good. Do not allow yourself any criticisms about how you look, only good thoughts.
7. If you up for a real stretch, ask 3 people what they like about you. Let what they say about you wash over you. Let it in and just say, “Thank you”.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

How Not to Cry

This morning I viewed a wonderful little video created by my friend, Dr. Jane Bolton, a therapist friend of mine. See video below.

The story goes like this: we’re little. We cry. The adults don’t want to hear it for whatever their reasons. They tell us big girls don’t cry or you cry too much or you have it so good you have no reason to cry. Whatever. So we learn that crying is bad or embarrassing or immature or something not OK.

But did you ever think that crying has a purpose?

Well, it does. It is a wonderful release. I believe it is a necessary release of emotion and it cleanses away many difficult feelings. For me, I believe it saved my life. I cried very easily as a child with lots of reasons that were valid. No child likes being yelled at and criticized on a very constant basis. It was a big release for me who was not allowed much of any other feeling except happiness. For 37 years I lived with someone – first mother then husband – who made me feel bad and fearful. And so I cried. Within two months of having finally left that husband in 1980, every one of my 4 children who were then 6, 7, 10 and 14 at the time noticed that, “You no longer cry everyday, Mommy.” That’s because my predominant feeling at the time was gratitude for no longer living in fear and unhappiness.

The upshot of these experiences is that I know that crying is like releasing a safety valve and that we were made as humans to experience all of it – anger, fear, hurt, sadness, happiness, joy. And crying is a great way to release those feelings that don’t feel good and even a way often to express joy.

I’ve never really written about my thoughts on crying and how sad I feel when I hear people apologizing for crying. Your tears are a gift to whomsoever gets to hear you – and hopefully give you a hug.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

My Husband Needs Me to Trust Him

Trust is a huge factor in any relationship and is probably one of the most important things in understanding men. That’s what John Gray was teaching when we worked for him and that’s still true. On page 135 of Men Are from Mars, in the second paragraph John says,

“She Needs Caring and He Needs Trust: …When a woman’s attitude is open and receptive toward a man he feels trusted. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner….”

Men grow up wanting and, in fact, needing to be trusted and counted on in their relationships. And if they can or cannot  will make the difference to a woman. A woman can be told over and over again that she can trust you but those are just words. It takes action to prove it and the best way for a man to help build the trust with a woman he is in a relationship with is to consistently follow through on what he says with his actions.

A woman that hears a man say he is going to do things and then actually see him follow up on what he has said and do it will find it much easier to build a trusting relationship than with a man who continuously says he is going to do things but doesn’t stand by his word and do them.

So how does this occur in our relationship? Well, I think we’ve refined this a bit. Life is busy for most of us these days and some of us are a bit forgetful so the Martian might promise to fix something around the house and might need to be reminded. But we have 25 years together and I can tell you that he is the most trustworthy man I have ever met. He always supports me and what I want. We committed to each other at our wedding in front of 100 loving friends and family that we would support each other in any of the ways we want to grow. On this point he is 100% trustworthy. I need my feelings and my sexuality treated with kid gloves. I was emotionally and sexually abused in my past. He passes with totally flying colors. We committed long ago to tell each other the emotional truth and he is unfailing in doing that and doing it lovingly and gently.

Does he always remember to change a light bulb exactly on time? Or fix something that needs fixing? Not always. Sometimes I remind him (trying to remember to “ask as if for the first time” – another Mars/Venus-ism) but on the really important stuff, he is a star Martian.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Personal Power For All

I’ve been involved in the human potential movement or on a personal power path for 30 years. When I started on my path I didn’t know I was on a path; I just knew I was in so much angst about my life and my body that I had to do something. What I did was go to a 12-Step program and found a spiritual answer or rather I began to understand how life really works – not what I had learned from my parents who actually didn’t have a clue. It’s not that at 37 I found all the answers. I found out there were questions. Much more important.

So my journey has wound and wound and found me living in L.A., Sausalito, Mill Valley, Petaluma, Dallas and Las Vegas – in no particular order.

• It took me out of my first marriage of 15 years into single parenthood with 4 children with lots of low self esteem.

• It took me to other 12-Step programs. It found my second husband of 6 mos. in that 12-Step program and led me out of the marriage and the program again.

• It found me at an obscure workshop called Making Love Work by the then very unknown Barbara deAngeles and John Gray.

• It found me discovering my childhood abuse and back into another 12-Step program.

• It took me back to John Gray and Men Are from Mars . It found me my 3rd husband of 23 years.

• It took me to coaching and writing – and many other places.

My life is a miracle to behold. I have 4 lovely adult children, 3 amazing grandchildren, 2 beautiful daughters-in-law. It gave me a most precious and special relationship with my step daughter. It gave me friendly but far-away relationships with my other step children and grandchildren.

Why did a woman who was emotionally and sexually abused as a child, who suffered from very damaged self-esteem, married 3 times(!), who saw herself as a victim etc. etc etc. get such a great current life. THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE. I DO THE WORK I UNDERSTAND MY NEEDS TO HEAL, TO GROW AND I DO IT 100%. Even when I didn’t have the emotional tools to move on, I had the personal power.  Whether it’s with a coach, without a coach, in a 12-step program or out – NO MATTER WHAT, I do and have done the work.

If you have that kind of personal power and commitment to your path, you have anything you want. I promise.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Forgiveness and Love Letters

My daughter made a great suggestion. She said, “If your site is all about life coaching, why not ask clients to participate also.” Ask them to write  something after their session and post it so people can hear results from a real client.” So that is what you will find on this page. Enjoy!

Maia, in today’s session you reminded me of a powerful tool I have available, and will use immediately to heal myself and my family, which is forgiveness.  You pointed out how I refer to my ex husband whenever I mention him, which may be one of the causes of the friction in my family.

Talking about my recent dreams and finding the interpretation to them with your insight has cleared my mind about the next steps to take in my life; thanks for your soothing words by telling me to calm down and that I don’t have to do anything at this time, knowing that I am never given more than I can handle.  I needed to hear that.

I will be working on the assignment of the love letters to bring about more healing in my life. As always, thanks.  I feel so much better after our session.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

Study of Soul or Mind?

FreeDictionary.com defines psychology as “the science that deals with mental processes and behaviors.” The actual definition as derived from the Latin terms that make up the word mean the study of the soul or mind. The term psychology has changed over the years and has often become very different from the study of the soul or the mind.

Life coaching is not very different from psychology in that psychology focuses on the self and making changes within yourself and life coaching helps you make changes in your life situations to make your self happier and more fulfilled. Many life coaches also focus on inner change to bring about outer change – including me.

There need be no competition between someone in psychology and someone in life coaching. Often the two work hand in hand to assist people with finding what they truly want in life and a means to get it. It seems to me also that we are all drawn to different ways of growth – none being better or worse. Just different.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!

My Love Relationship

I am a kind and loving woman.  I  require a love relationship with the ones close to me.  I care about many people and show them and tell them – including my husband. This morning he is here even though it’s Monday morning and I usually have quiet to work. My office is right out in the middle of the house and a lot of what I do is write – just like I am writing right now. He went out to get the car smogged and came in while I was writing. I greeted him and thanked him for taking care of the car. I listened for a few minutes while he talked about what was happening in the apartment across the way – and he kept talking to his daughter about stuff that is not important that she know or I listen to at this time. Maybe he wants to spend a little more time before he settles into his working on work-related stuff. However, I need quiet when I write. I requested that he stop and he got a little bent out of shape. Although he stopped talking.

Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free – a free self-help ebook!