Making Sure We Have Relationship Support

My Martian and I have certain times that we set aside just for our relationship support. Every morning before school we have a little sacred time together. It certainly is not the same as a weekend in the country but it creates a beautiful everyday-ness to our lives. The Martian leaves for work at around 6:30 a.m. We get up by 4:45 a.m. to have enough time to do what we do without him rushing off and us not having a few minutes to connect.

It’s at these little meetings for our relationship support that we catch each other up on what’s happening in our lives, plan events and like this morning – even plan a little bit into the future. The Martian is a high school teacher and is on a year round schedule which means he works 4 mos. and is off 2, works 4 and off 2. That means he will be off in March and April.

In the past he has been at such a high level of stress by the time the semester is over, it was important that he has the time off to relax, do his (tedious) credentialing work and plan for the next 4 mos. of school. This time, after three years of teaching, he isn’t that stressed and is considering teaching one class a day during that two month period.

How this effects us is that when he took off for two months, we kind of had a working vacation but I’ve noticed an old pattern come up for me. I make my agenda and daily life subservient to his and kind of fall behind in my work life and goals. I imagine this old pattern has to do with (a) growing up in the 40′s and 50′s and “a woman’s role is…” and (b) my unwanted pattern of becoming too responsible for others who I care about.

How does this all refer to Secret #5, 9 and 11 (see blog entry “Secret #11″)?

• Secret #5 - By discussing what he’s thinking about into the future, the Martian is respecting me and my desires and our sacred time.

• Secret #9 - By discussing what he’s thinking about into the future, the Martian is making sure our sacred time is cared for. Certainly during the 2 month work breaks, we’ve had more of that then when he’s working.

• Secret #11 – We are both following our own path. the Martian has a need to road test a new class in Robotics and doing it when he’s not working full time is great self-care for him and me remaining aware of my his-needs-are-more-important tendencies are important to that pattern dissipating.

These are the ways that we have relationship support.  It is important for me to not only respect the Martian’s time and visa versa but also be aware of the individual path I must take.  Being aware of both simultaneously allows us to be supportive of our relationship.

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